Musings: Sexual Swingers
So I was thinking tonight.....is sex just sex?
I'm gonna try not to sound like Carrie Bradshaw here and use my own voice. But I am really asking this question. I talked to someone tonight who was into swinging with her spouse. This idea has intrigued me ever since I read Terry Gould's "The Lifestyle". I recommend this book about swinging. I never really knew anything about it. It's something I don't know if I could ever do because I am just too jealous and possessive. I know these aren't desirable traits, but it really is part of my personality. I'm just admitting that it's always been a fault.
I sure hope I can talk about sex on this thing....lol. I read about the different levels of participation. Open= engaging in the act in the same room as your spouse, closed=engaging in the act away from your spouse, or just watching. I know it can be more complex than that. But since it's something I've never experienced, I have no clue other than what was given in the book. I would assume, however that it would take a tremendous amount of trust. I'm nowhere near that right now. She had said that it had its ups and downs, but the downs came when jealousy and greediness came in. I stated that it's something I doubted I could do because I'm just too jealous. She said that it was just sex. Which is true, but I'm not far along enough yet to think like that. Too much emotional baggage to get through. I've had some not so great experiences the last 7 years or so and I haven't let anybody get close enough. I know sex can be just sex, but given that it's been so long and the bad experiences, it's not something I've felt like I could jump back into.
Back ten years ago, before the hubby and the kids, before responsibility, I was rather selfish. I took great pleasure in all things with instant gratification. I spent most of it drinking and doing things I really shouldn't have. But I was young and dumb with no sense of myself. It wasn't such a big deal back then. But it's something I used at times to validate my self worth. I wasn't very happy with myself back then. I cringe sometimes thinking about the person I used to be. I'm not saying that anybody who has a lot of sex is like that, too. I'm just saying that's where I come from, so it's my own thing and I need to get over it myself. I just feel like swinging takes a lot of trust and a strong relationship. I need to work on some of my own stuff before I ever feel strong enough or secure enough to even consider it. I doubt I'd ever actually get into it. The idea just intrigues me is all.
I guess if you left emotion completely out of it, sex is just sex. My emotions have always ran too strong, though. I commend those who can do it and more power to them, and I guess I'm a little jealous of that. I can't seem to separate sex and emotion.
More ramblings to come......
I'm gonna try not to sound like Carrie Bradshaw here and use my own voice. But I am really asking this question. I talked to someone tonight who was into swinging with her spouse. This idea has intrigued me ever since I read Terry Gould's "The Lifestyle". I recommend this book about swinging. I never really knew anything about it. It's something I don't know if I could ever do because I am just too jealous and possessive. I know these aren't desirable traits, but it really is part of my personality. I'm just admitting that it's always been a fault.
I sure hope I can talk about sex on this thing....lol. I read about the different levels of participation. Open= engaging in the act in the same room as your spouse, closed=engaging in the act away from your spouse, or just watching. I know it can be more complex than that. But since it's something I've never experienced, I have no clue other than what was given in the book. I would assume, however that it would take a tremendous amount of trust. I'm nowhere near that right now. She had said that it had its ups and downs, but the downs came when jealousy and greediness came in. I stated that it's something I doubted I could do because I'm just too jealous. She said that it was just sex. Which is true, but I'm not far along enough yet to think like that. Too much emotional baggage to get through. I've had some not so great experiences the last 7 years or so and I haven't let anybody get close enough. I know sex can be just sex, but given that it's been so long and the bad experiences, it's not something I've felt like I could jump back into.
Back ten years ago, before the hubby and the kids, before responsibility, I was rather selfish. I took great pleasure in all things with instant gratification. I spent most of it drinking and doing things I really shouldn't have. But I was young and dumb with no sense of myself. It wasn't such a big deal back then. But it's something I used at times to validate my self worth. I wasn't very happy with myself back then. I cringe sometimes thinking about the person I used to be. I'm not saying that anybody who has a lot of sex is like that, too. I'm just saying that's where I come from, so it's my own thing and I need to get over it myself. I just feel like swinging takes a lot of trust and a strong relationship. I need to work on some of my own stuff before I ever feel strong enough or secure enough to even consider it. I doubt I'd ever actually get into it. The idea just intrigues me is all.
I guess if you left emotion completely out of it, sex is just sex. My emotions have always ran too strong, though. I commend those who can do it and more power to them, and I guess I'm a little jealous of that. I can't seem to separate sex and emotion.
More ramblings to come......
posted by trudyrox at 11:52 PM
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